Mine For the Taking

For better or worse, I've been a little down at work. I don't think I can trust my managers and at least one of my coworkers, I don't feel freedom to make mistakes. My brain is atrophying by the minute from lack of use. It feels like my cubicle is my cell and for all the appeals I file, I can't break free. As a go through my morning routine, I can feel my energy draining from the thought of the mundane day ahead of me.

That being said, I had a very enlightening talk with TP (ha-ha). It started out with the realization that we were both lovers of The Secret, and were both hoping to reread/relisten to it in the near future. Not only did he bring to my attention, how fortunate we were, and how far we had come, from thinking a $3 hoagie was a luxury, to blowing $50 on a single dinner. From counting pennies to afford a SEPTA transfer, to filling the tank of my car with premium gas, not looking at the total. I could go on and on, but I digress. He also used himself as an example that I can have whatever I want, I just have to ask for it. I'm also more capable than I think I am, so I can't let fear stop me before I begin. And don't accept failure as an option.

I realized that as much as I want certain things (a new job) I've been distracted from really concentrating on what I want. Like, I haven't thought about how that fits into the bigger picture. I haven't been thinking about what I want with my life, not just what I want for this year or this month. I've got some ideas about where this may end up going, based on what's been holding my interest lately, but I have some research to do before I can make any moves. But one thing's for sure. If I was dreaming big before, I'm dreaming huge now...

Mission Accomplished (and then some...)

Well, I did it. I've been more than 80% raw and 99% vegan (eggs in Thai food, butter in a dessert, that's it) for the last month. Not only do I feel great; not only have I finally cleared a major weight hurdle (10 lbs. of excess gone!); after a total of 5 hours in line, I ALSO have (drum roll, please)...



I am now the proud owner of a 16gb white iPhone 3g! That's iWhitey to you. Unlike last year, the lines were hundreds of people long, even in tiny Ardmore. I would have taken pics, but I was too tired from standing in the 90 degree plus heat for 3 hours. The other two hours I clocked before work and was unsuccessful at two AT&T stores. The Apple people were so much nicer anyway. They gave out SmartWater (of course) and Starbucks coffee (I held strong, even with free). I also got to spend some quality time with W, who I haven't seen in ages (and by that I mean weeks). I convinced her to get a 16 instead of an 8 gig, so I hope she's happy too. But meanwhile...

As with all impossible missions (theme music plays), just as soon as one ends, another mission begins. I'm going to stay on my raw and vegan, at least until all my excess weight is gone. Should be interesting to see where my body stops, seeing as how I'm not very tall. But I've also got the Nike Women's Marathon looming. October is fast approaching and even though Runner's World says my training should have started on June 30th, I'm giving myself a pass and starting when? Tomorrow, of course! From an article in Runner's World (which I can't find a link to, help please) I got the idea of paying myself a dollar for every mile a run (marathon included) and using the proceeds to treat myself to a San Fran shopping spree (NikeTown, anyone?).

So I got to thinking: I'm already registered for the race, I need to get back on my grind. Why not act like I know and start training? And why not do it ninja style, not missing a beat, right after my 'Raw Apple Quest' (why did that name just come to me)?

Therefore, insha Allah, tomorrow morning, relatively early and hopefully not so bright, I'll log my first few miles. I've got no high hopes, just a few miles to start working the kinks out. And on that note, iWhitey and I are going to bed (he likes to snuggle).

Sometimes...

People are just wonderful. I sent a former classmate (who I haven't talked to in ages) an email asking a few very general HR questions about where she worked. Not only did she promptly respond, she gave tons of info, and offered to connect me with the right person several times. After a few months of friends blowing off my attempts at networking, her response was so refreshing, it brought tears to my eyes. She's officially at the top of my rock star list. Now back to work...

When Friends Have Friends...

Granted, the story I'm about to tell took place like two weeks ago. But I've got a case of insomnia and one of the parties in question just sent me a text, so it's on my mind.

In my family, there's a phenomenon known as the 'adopted child', wherein people unrelated to us decide that they want to become part of the family. The younger of the bunch do this by coming to every outing with an overnight bag and staying for 3-4 days. The older ones, knowing how important Eid is to us, have gone as far as to buy Eid presents for the females of the family. And no matter what age, they all start calling my mother 'Mom'. For the most part, we take it in stride; we've always been a 'more the merrier' crew. And it really makes you thankful for what you have when other people are so eager to be a part of it.

Anywho, one such adopted brother, AK, asked me to help him reconnect with someone from his past, a girl I never met. I'd had a setup for him go sour before, so I was none too eager. But, AK has a special place in my heart, so I conceded. Not only did I send an email, I mentioned him in conversation. I didn't expect anything to come of it, but I figured I had to make sure I gave it a good effort.

Of course, as luck would have it, the girl in question was receptive. Who knew!?! She came out, by herself, to a party I mentioned he'd be at. Now that I think about it, the situation could have gone wrong in so many ways. But I wasn't thinking about that at the time. I was thinking about how shocked AK was to see her show up (in a speak of the devil type way) and how nervous he was when he realized he now had to walk the walk. It was great to see when two people are meant to connect, how naturally things flow.

I haven't gotten an update and I REFUSE to ask, my part is done. I did it with good intentions and Allah knows best. Now, back to my raw fooding and hopefully some sleep...

TOTH

I think I'm feeling so down because I can no longer drown my sorrows in food and caffeine. But what's with the lethargy?

TOTH

Its wrong to go to bed when the sun's still shining, right?

Sent from my iPhone

Week 2 and I'm All Thai-ed Out

Anyone who knows me knows I have a seriously love affair with Thai food. I could eat it every day, possibly for every meal (with a Thai iced coffee and mango with sticky rice for breakfast). I have made it my mission to explore and rate every Thai restaurant in the Philadelphia area. And one of the great things about Thai food is that it's hard to mess up. Even the worse Thai is usually good Thai. So when N suggested we try a place in Ardmore for lunch, I happily grabbed my bag, raw diet and all.

My first sign that something was wrong should have came when I looked over the appetizer selection and saw no vegetarian options. Same goes for the soup. And only one meatless salad. Most Thai places have so many vegetarian options, they need their own separate menu. I ordered the $7 lunch special: a cabbage and peanut salad, a vegetable roll, and something called Siam Yam Noodles (supposedly mixed veggies and sautéed rice noodles). My next sign: while eating the cabbage salad, I had no inclination to touch the veggie roll, my only thought was "I should have just ordered the cabbage salad".

When my main course came, a smell wafted up that made me slightly nauseous (another sign) and the first bite wasn't very appealing. I had a few more bites before I decided that it was best to chalk this one up as a loss. Oh, and did I mention there was egg mixed in. Bummer. I'm a pretty dedicated member of the clean plate club, so when N saw me give up not even a third of the way through, she got suspicious. I haven't clued anyone at work in on my raw quest, though you'd think the abundance of bananas on my desk would give me away. They're just too far from any type of healthy diet, more interested in indulging in what the culinary world has to offer. So, I probably won't say anything unless I have to.

I don't know if it's too soon to be having such strong reactions when I vary my diet, but between the sugar rush Sunday night and the nausea today, I'm considering going 100% raw. I just don't like the way other food makes me feel. Some people say that our environment is too polluted to be 100% raw, and that makes sense. But I think I'll do maybe one non-raw meal a week, when I go out or something.

Now back to reading the blogs of my fellow raw foodies...

TOTH

America's Best Dog? Have we really sunk that low, America? Really, I
have no words...

Sent from my iPhone

Joie de vivre, or lack there of...

Has it really been only a week of living raw? It feels like I've been doing it forever. This weekend was especially tough, as I had to endure a brunch invitation, a game night, and not one, but two graduation parties. I've learned that when people get together, they eat. And more often than not, they use the event as an excuse to eat even more than they normally do. I've never been one to stuff myself then possibly take a plate home. My bad eating happened at restaurants, where I want to try several courses and can't control the portion size. This weekend, since I was eating more sparingly, I found myself analyzing the eating habits of others, and I was horrified by the amount of food and speed that it was eaten. At one event, I don't know if it was the presentation of the food or the sight of others eating said food that left me unable to stomach more than a slice of watermelon.

The rest of the weekend went pretty well, diet wise. Saturday, my sister had a swim meet in Allentown, and the toughest part was the 5:30am wakeup call, not the raw fooding. I'm really glad I clued my mom and my sister (by default, she was in the room when I told my mom) in on my raw quest. They've been really supportive, regularly making sure I have raw foods or alerting me when they think I won't have any options. That morning, my mom packed enough fruit to last me until that afternoon, then I had a small salad before heading out to game night with the crew. I felt bad for not partaking in the hostess's serious BBQ spread, just having green salad and a little pasta salad. Not that I would have anyway, I don't think the meat was halal. I have to say, I didn't expect Sunday to be so rough after surviving my trip to San Fran. But, that morning, I texted M in a frenzy, not sure if I could give up the pleasure of eggs and stuffed French toast at Sabrina's for brunch. She challenged me to make the right decisions and reminded me that it's a lifestyle, not a diet. I decided to just focus on being vegan for the day, and started my morning with some green lemonade.

At the twins' graduation party, I gave myself a pass and had a small piece of cake, a canned iced tea (no caffeine), and like 2 potato chips. And I think the sugar rush gave me a headache and insomnia. My heart was racing for hours after I tried to fall asleep. I was so miserable, I came into work late and have been sluggish all day. I don't know why I ate it, I don't really have a taste for non raw/non vegan food. I can see that a lot of my desire for certain things is emotional, not physical. I don't need coffee anymore, I just love going into Starbucks. When I'm done with a hard day's work, I can't get high, but I can get takeout from a fabulous restaurant. As a good Muslim girl, food is the one indulgence no one will sneer at. Yeah, as I type it, it sounds sad, but I still haven't figured out how to fill the void left by healthy eating. But, this week I'm going to try working out, something I didn't do at all last week. Because I don't want to just lose fat, I want to gain muscle. But not today, tomorrow, I'm tired...