Has it really been only a week of living raw? It feels like I've been doing it forever. This weekend was especially tough, as I had to endure a brunch invitation, a game night, and not one, but two graduation parties. I've learned that when people get together, they eat. And more often than not, they use the event as an excuse to eat even more than they normally do. I've never been one to stuff myself then possibly take a plate home. My bad eating happened at restaurants, where I want to try several courses and can't control the portion size. This weekend, since I was eating more sparingly, I found myself analyzing the eating habits of others, and I was horrified by the amount of food and speed that it was eaten. At one event, I don't know if it was the presentation of the food or the sight of others eating said food that left me unable to stomach more than a slice of watermelon.
The rest of the weekend went pretty well, diet wise. Saturday, my sister had a swim meet in Allentown, and the toughest part was the 5:30am wakeup call, not the raw fooding. I'm really glad I clued my mom and my sister (by default, she was in the room when I told my mom) in on my raw quest. They've been really supportive, regularly making sure I have raw foods or alerting me when they think I won't have any options. That morning, my mom packed enough fruit to last me until that afternoon, then I had a small salad before heading out to game night with the crew. I felt bad for not partaking in the hostess's serious BBQ spread, just having green salad and a little pasta salad. Not that I would have anyway, I don't think the meat was halal. I have to say, I didn't expect Sunday to be so rough after surviving my trip to San Fran. But, that morning, I texted M in a frenzy, not sure if I could give up the pleasure of eggs and stuffed French toast at Sabrina's for brunch. She challenged me to make the right decisions and reminded me that it's a lifestyle, not a diet. I decided to just focus on being vegan for the day, and started my morning with some green lemonade.
At the twins' graduation party, I gave myself a pass and had a small piece of cake, a canned iced tea (no caffeine), and like 2 potato chips. And I think the sugar rush gave me a headache and insomnia. My heart was racing for hours after I tried to fall asleep. I was so miserable, I came into work late and have been sluggish all day. I don't know why I ate it, I don't really have a taste for non raw/non vegan food. I can see that a lot of my desire for certain things is emotional, not physical. I don't need coffee anymore, I just love going into Starbucks. When I'm done with a hard day's work, I can't get high, but I can get takeout from a fabulous restaurant. As a good Muslim girl, food is the one indulgence no one will sneer at. Yeah, as I type it, it sounds sad, but I still haven't figured out how to fill the void left by healthy eating. But, this week I'm going to try working out, something I didn't do at all last week. Because I don't want to just lose fat, I want to gain muscle. But not today, tomorrow, I'm tired...
