Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Mine For the Taking

For better or worse, I've been a little down at work. I don't think I can trust my managers and at least one of my coworkers, I don't feel freedom to make mistakes. My brain is atrophying by the minute from lack of use. It feels like my cubicle is my cell and for all the appeals I file, I can't break free. As a go through my morning routine, I can feel my energy draining from the thought of the mundane day ahead of me.

That being said, I had a very enlightening talk with TP (ha-ha). It started out with the realization that we were both lovers of The Secret, and were both hoping to reread/relisten to it in the near future. Not only did he bring to my attention, how fortunate we were, and how far we had come, from thinking a $3 hoagie was a luxury, to blowing $50 on a single dinner. From counting pennies to afford a SEPTA transfer, to filling the tank of my car with premium gas, not looking at the total. I could go on and on, but I digress. He also used himself as an example that I can have whatever I want, I just have to ask for it. I'm also more capable than I think I am, so I can't let fear stop me before I begin. And don't accept failure as an option.

I realized that as much as I want certain things (a new job) I've been distracted from really concentrating on what I want. Like, I haven't thought about how that fits into the bigger picture. I haven't been thinking about what I want with my life, not just what I want for this year or this month. I've got some ideas about where this may end up going, based on what's been holding my interest lately, but I have some research to do before I can make any moves. But one thing's for sure. If I was dreaming big before, I'm dreaming huge now...